One Fine Evening

You left for work for this morning as scheduled
Same time everyday
I took off work so i could set up a surprise for you
I planned on making you a nice dinner and proposing to you
It took several hours to get everything right but i wanted it to be perfect
I made all your favorite foods
Got the best wine i could find
As i was putting the finishing touches on dinner i decided to call you to see where you were
When you picked up...i heard...moaning....and what sounded like a man's voice in the background
Then i hear faintly...."i love you"
I yell your name but you don't answer
I think to myself...."she's cheating on me!!!"
AND she loves someone else!
I become enraged
I tear up the kitchen!
I throw the ring away....i didn't care about how much i paid for it!
I burn all our pictures
Then i think of a way i can get revenge
I call up one of my ex's and tell her i wanted her to come over
She agrees
She comes over in only 15 minutes
I guess she missed me
I can't get the vision of you having sex with another man out of my mind
I have sex with my ex in the living room hoping you would come home and catch us in the action so u can feel my pain
The house phone rings but i don't answer....i was in the moment
I finish my session with my ex and you STILL haven't showed up
I check my cellphone....nothing
Then i remember the house phone rung
I check it and the call was from the hospital
I start to call them back but there was a knock at the door....i run to it!
But it wasn't you...it was a police officer....with terrible news
"Sir....your girlfriend was in a terrible car accident tonight.....and......she didn't make it"
My heart drops to my feet....i cant even speak
I gather myself and say "but....i just heard her....she was with some man.....i called her"
The officer explains..."well i was with her when you called, the man you heard was most likely me....she was in terrible pain and could barely speak but she muscled up enough strength to say I LOVE YOU in the phone to you.....they were her last words...im sorry for your loss"
He leaves
I break down
Tears run out of my face like a faucet
I can't believe i thought u would do a thing like that to me
We had such big plans....how can i live without my heart?
You loved me even in your last seconds of life
And my last favor to you....was cheating.....and burning all our memories
I didn't deserve you
I don't deserve to live
I go to the bedroom and find one portrait i didn't burn
I hold it close to my chest
I reach in my drawer and grab my gun
I curse myself for everything i have done
And thank the lord for giving me the years i spent with you
You were the best thing to ever happen to me....
I cock the gun...put it to my head and dedicate my last words to you and say....
"........I LOVE YOU TOO"
*POW*

The One That Got Away

I used to see you everyday on campus

I used to think....."i wonder if she's taken"

I used to wanna meet you

I used to wonder what kind of person you were

Then one day.....we met

I used to think about you all the time

I used to love our time together

I used to hate our time apart

I used to read our text conversations over and over

I used to smile when i saw it was you calling

I used to look forward to the day we could be together

Then one day things changed

I used to wonder why u hadn't texted me

I used to wonder why you didn't call as often

I used to wonder why you seemed to dodge me when i tried to come chill

I used to wonder why the vibe changed

I used to get angry when you didn't respond to me

Then one day you were in a relationship

I used to be pissed off

I used to wanna come take you away

I used to wanna tell you how i really felt about it

I used to think there was something wrong with ME

Then one day you responded

You said i took too long to make a move

You said you were waiting on me to take it to the next level

I used to think slow and easy was the way to go

I used to think you would wait for me

but i guess not

Im not angry

I still wish you the best of luck

I hope you are always happy

And i still see you everyday

And i think.........THERE GOES THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

Intoxicated Dreams

Sober thoughts and intoxicated dreams

Aint nothin but a lil bit of crack to a dope fiend

Follow your heart they say

But your heart can sometimes lead you the wrong way

Follow your brain and your logic

U cant hate on the truth and you can never stop it

I see YOU when its just me and you

But when you with your friends i dont recognize the girl i knew

Who is this person?

Where did you come from?

Do you black widow spider niggas for fun?

Everytime i try to glue my heart back together you come and knock it out of my hands

Why?

Was me being happy never part of god's plans?

I just want to live life and get mine

And errbody else out to put a nigga down or take his shine

Im just coolin....im loyal to those who are loyal to me

But thru my intoxicated eyes its only demons i see

Fakeness is a disease and i got the vaccine

If you aint got it dont try to be on the team

Tryin to find my path

But what i like to do plus money dont make math

So......am i supposed to do somethin i hate to do the rest of my life?

Are the employees supposed to look at me stupid when i ask em for the price?

Is it when im rich the only time ppl will act nice?

Just because they want somethin from me?

I once was lost but now i see

Everything thats wrong wit the picture i painted

So i start a new one and maybe new ppl will get acquainted

Hoping to make a new....improved picture

When YOU'RE 100 seems like no one wants to deal witcha

Followin the crowd gets you no where but in the middle

I chose my own path ever since a nigga was little

Did what i wanted and followed my own guidelines

So when niggas said i was different i stood behind mines !

Yeah thats me.....Kevin Jones

You aint gotta be on what im on

Cuz different doesnt equal wrong

I ride dolo

Niggas only go for self so i gotta go solo

Just tryna make a cameo...in one of these girls videos

So maybe they'll notice a nigga

Show some love and dont act bogus on a nigga

Cuz that seems to be the norm

I must not have put the right name on my "I Like You" form

Let me know what else im supposed to do.....

If u dont know then....i guess i'll have to be threw

Im just writin bullshit what does any of this even mean?

But its whatever.......

Just sober thoughts during an intoxicated dream

Mine

I wish i knew what to do
I wish my dream would come true
I wish you would notice me....the way i notice you

I see you all the time but u give me no attention
When you talk about guys i want my name to be one that you mention

But you seem so unreacheable....so high above
I want us to go together...maybe even fall in love

But i may be getting ahead of myself daydreaming about someone i dont know
I just want an opportunity for something between us to grow
Even if it starts off slow.....

......i want something to be there
Most dudes would try to dog you and that aint never fair
Im tryna treat you good better than you've ever had
Life wit me would be bliss you wont ever need to be mad....

....or ever try to be upset
I dont want to sound cocky but im prolly the best dude you've never met

I just need to get a chance to show you what im bout
These just aint no words thats comin out my mouth

Im really being sincere and really speakin from the heart
I just want YOU to understand and thats the hard part
Cuz i dont even know where to start.....

....what to say OR what to do
All i know is in my MIND....i kinda sorta love you


Please dont think im a crazy person or some stalker or somethin
I just want to start somethin cuz right now i have nothin

No one to call my own
No one waiting on me at home
No one i can call late night and cake with on the phone

I want you to be on my throne
I be your king you be my queen
We can be like Will and Jada wit no movies in between

Yea i know that was kinda lame but im just expressing myself
For you i'd do it everyday until i had nothing left

But i guess im just rambling and you might not like anything im saying
But thats ok
Thats alright

Maybe one day i'll have the courage to show you this letter but that'll prolly take some time
I just hope one day.....when you think about the person you're in love with.....his name will be MINE

The Crossroads...

You once made me feel complete
I felt like I couldn’t see myself without you
Waking up everyday was a joy
Life was great
Just me and you…..thats all I needed
I used to hate to see u leave
I couldn’t wait for you to get back to me
If anybody were to have an objection to what we had……I wouldn’t care….cuz u were mine
If you needed something and I had it I would spend my last just to make sure u got what u wanted
I would have done anything for you
Gladly
I tried the best I could to keep you happy but in the end…
You took me for granted
You never appreciated how much I did for you
You didn’t uphold what we had with the same amount of respect as me
You did me dirty on many occasions but I still just tried to overlook it
I tried to move past it
But how much is too much ?
How much did you expect me to take before I left ?
They say u don’t know what u got till its gone but….
Maybe if u didn’t know what u had u didn’t deserve it
Maybe it takes u losing something great that u once had to make u a more mature person and appreciate what comes to u in the future
………..
I don’t think I can be repaired
I don’t think the wounds I suffered from you can be healed
You damaged me….
Deep down
But still I tried to atleast be “cool” wit you
Or atleast be in your life in a minor way
But it doesn’t look like that can happen either
When we kick it its more problems…new problems….and old problems
Unnecessary problems
Stress….
Arguments
It seems as if cutting you off completely is the only way for me to achieve happiness
But will that really bring me happiness ?
It just looks as if there is no way for me to be happy
Don’t know what to do
Completely lost
Wish I knew what my next move should be
I been stuck in transition mode for months
Im stuck in the same place…..not moving towards any direction
What is a person to do when they have no idea where to go ?
I guess just not go anywhere
I really see now why dudes do females dirty
Cuz it seems to me like if you don’t do them dirty they will do it to you
Play or get played
I should just start lying to females right ?
Cheating on females right ?
Doggin females right ?
But they say ur not supposed to take past experiences and put that anger on ppl in your future but….
How else can I protect myself ?
???
A lot of times I regret ever meeting you
I feel like I wish I never met you and I wish we never became what we were but…
Who’s to say that’s how I really feel ?
I really don’t know
But I guess until I find out which direction I need to go in to find happiness I’ll just be stuck….

At the crossoads…

Realization

When you love someone the most.....is when it hurts the most
They say you're the most important person in their life
They say they would never do anything to break your heart
They say that they're never going to replace you
They say they love spending time with you
THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU
They say they want to make you happy
They say you're one of a kind
They say they support you
They say you complete them
THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU
They say they cant see themselves away from you
They say they will overlook the little stuff
They say they want to make a family
They say they can see themselves growing old with you
THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU

but they cheated......


THEY LIED


funny how love is........

Time Machine

I can't seem to forget my past
I can't forget painful memories
I can't forget actions that took place
My brain represses things that it doesn't want to deal with
Once I finally think im good
Memories come back to haunt me like a nightmare
It feels like im right back in those situations
Reliving the nightmares
My own thoughts are destroying me
They say time heals all wounds but....
How much time ?
No matter how much alcohol I drink...
No matter how much weed I smoke...
No matter how many pills I pop...
I still rememberAnd the wounds still feel the same
F R E S H
No amount of apologies...
No amount of gifts...
No amount of money...
Could get me what I really want
And that's to forget
Which will probably never happen
So until I find a way to forget...
I'll be saving my money to buy the best thing never invented

A Time Machine